Crazy

I’m still alive guys. Sorry for not posting. Things are crazy busy and going to get even more so next week.

I leave in 12 days and am not ready but beyond ready at the same time. It is very hard to explain to be honest. These past few weeks have been a lot harder than I expected alone. But God has really been using this time to grow me. And giving me some precious times with the kids.

Please pray for me emotions since they seem to go out of wack easily. Please pray for peace as I get ready to go. Pray for travel safeties. And for my family as I get ready to be back home.

Update

Looks like I won’t be able to update my blog every week since moving into the kids home. It turns out that charging my computer from the neighbor is going to end up being very expensive, Sarah thinks she has jacked up the price since I’m white. So I am planning on coming into town every week for a “me day” so I will try to come to the  cyber cafe and update then.
Things have been ok since the Medlin’s left. I obviously am not lonely, which is something everyone was worried about. Things are just different. I’m so looking forward to a good shower and a toilet (you can only squat above a whole so many times each day before you have hit your limit.)
The only problem we have had is that a few things have been taken from my room and no one seems to be the culprit. Whoever it is knows what they are doing because they seem to hit the only time I don’t lock my door – which is when I run outside to use the choo. It is just frustrating. God has been showing me lots about contentment though and I think the theft was just another example. I’m trying to realize that it is just stuff, it just stinks because some of it was gifts for other people. Oh well. We are in the 20 something days until I’m home so I can see the end at this point. I’m not looking forward to saying goodbye, but I am looking forward to being home.

Prayer Requests:

• That I will be content.
• That I will use the 26 days I have left to really use my time wisely for God.
• That I will remember why I’m here in the first place.
• For my family in general.

The Boys

I thought I would write a little about each of the kids for you. I wish I could just put their essence, who they really are on paper for you. I honestly think each and every one of you would fall in love with each of them the way I have if I could. I will do my best to tell you what they are really like; their personalities, likes, dislikes, and little quirks down here for you instead. We don’t know their actual age so I’m just letting you know what we believe they are.

The boys:

Hillary: He is our oldest child at the home at 16. His younger sister is Christine. Hillary is in class 8, and will be attempting to get into a private school to go to Form 1 in January. (Which is like 9th grade.) He good friends at the home are Roy and Eliud. They are known as the 3 Musketeers. Hillary is smart and knows how to keep himself out of trouble. For the most part he follows the rules and keeps himself in check. Hillary has an amazing personality. He is very sweet deep down. He has a strange sense of humor, he is funny but not in the way you would expect. He loves to laugh and is almost always building something, helping the workers with the house, or spending time working in the garden during his free time.

Eliud: He is our only true orphan at the home, and one of my 2 boys. He is 14 we think. Eluid is the sweetest boy I’ve met in my whole life. He is very quiet, but he likes to goof around with some of the older boys at the home. He spends time with the younger kids, playing with them and listening to them talk, and he is genuine when he does this. He is the older kid everyone wants to be with because he actually enjoys being with them rather than shirking them off. Just recently he prayed and asked God to come into his life, and from what we can tell this is genuine. Eliud does not have the best english but he is always trying to read and learn how to improve himself. His smile is breath taking, although he is embarassed to admit that he knows us muzungu’s when we see him around his friends. Eluid’s favorite soccer team is Chelsea, which the other kids in the home make fun of because they can’t stand the team. Eliud is a saver of money. He rarely spends anything he is given, and is very frugal about spending when he does.

Vincent: Vincent is my other boy. Vincent is also 14 according to the other kids. When he was found he was taking care of his 2 younger brothers (Dennis and Gideon) on his own. He came from an abusing home and is a little hesitant to open up really and can be shy until he gets to know you. When he smiles it opens his whole face to almost another person. Vincent is an amazing dancer, but refuses to dance for you if you ask him to. Such a goof ball, he is always doing things around the home to get attention and make people laugh. Vincent has a great singing voice and it so fun to listen to when he leads worship. His favorite soccer team in Manchester United. He is normally tagging around with Roy and Eliud. He is very protective of his brothers, and will let you know if they need anything if he cannot provide it for them. He likes to help serve supper in the kitchen but gets really ebarrassed if you thank him for his service.

Dennis: Dennis is 10 we think. This boy has a smile that will knock you off your feet, but it is a little work to get him to show it to you. He is very curious about everything that other people are doing. He will sit with you and watch you read or color or write in your journal for hours if you let him. He is so incredibly ticklish but doesn’t mind you touching him or hugging him, unlike some of the other kids around the home. He very much craves attention, and one on one time. He is very thoughtful and spends lots of time with the younger kids also. Like his brother he is also a great dancer and doesn’t mind showing you. Dennis really enjoys coloring and reading.

Gideon: Gideon is our youngest child at the home, at 6 years old. This boy is hysterical. Loves to be tickled. Loves to give long hugs. Loves to roll in the grass and play with Victor, who is safe to be called his best friend. Gideon is very quiet, very soft spoken and knows the least amount of English out of all the children. Gideon loves to be read to, for hours and hours. Gideon will take one of the other kids turn to “preach to us” during fellowship in a heartbeat. But he does get embarrassed very easily, and takes it very personally if you say a harsh word to or about him. This child can eat like a grown man. Gideon is like a small spy, always rolling around on the floors, playing with tires, loves to play soccer. The child is always running everywhere. He is so incredibly fast for such short little legs.

Ian: Ian is 11. He wants to drive so bad, he is always asking for the truck keys. He is a little hard to read with his personality. He gets upset easy when people leave and tends to draw into himself a little more than the other kids. He is so sarcastic, and can be a bit of a brat if you are not careful. He also likes to work with his hands and build things. He is always asking questions about america, about you, about all kinds of things. His personality is very sweet but he will not show you that side of himself in front of other people. He is very private but also very determined when he makes his mind up about something. He loves technology. He loves to trade his possessions to get new things.

Benard: Benard is 9, he is Roy’s little brother. This child loves to give hugs. Loves to hold hands. Loves to cuddle. He loves to get, but also give lots of affection to you. He is always smiling and wanting to see how you are, especially if he has not seen you in a couple days. Benard loves to read to you, loves to color and do finger paints. He is very sentimental and keeps almost anything you give to him, no matter how small it is. He is a very sweet boy. I absolutely love this child. I don’t like the idea of favorites but it takes everything I have to not ignore all the other children and spend all my time with Benard.

Victor: He is 7. His older sister is Sharon. Victor is a mess! He is always laughing, always rolling around in the dirt. Always playing in the water, or rolling tires through the ditch with Gideon. His favorite article of clothing is a small suit jacket that he wears with EVERYTHING. Victor is always making some kind of strange noise, cackling, screaming, laughing – just being loud in general. He is a very happy child and rarely shows himself being sad or hurt. Victor loves to play soccer or play with water guns. This child is very affectionate. He loves to color (I probably have 5 or so pictures from the child). He is very tiny for his age also.

Roy: Roy is 13. He walks like an alien from the movie signs, and it cracks me up everytime I see him. Roy is almost always with Hillary and Eliud. Roy is a trouble maker, and always looks like he is hiding something that he did recently. Roy is a really funny guy, he is not terribly affectionate physically but he is in his words. He is a funny dancer to watch, flailing around a lot. He is a joker in what he says. He is rarely serious. Roy likes to wear his soccer shorts all the time, even though they happen to be turning into short shorts on him.

Nickson: Nickson is 10. He is always smiling, and it is great. He is a very happy kid. He likes to talk a lot and likes to be up to date on his schoolwork. At night time he is always studying and doing prep work. He takes care of his posessions, his clothes, shoes, etc. He is a very organized child. Does not like to be tickled unless he is in a specific mood for it. His older sister is Eunice, and Nickson likes to help out in the kitchen. He enjoys learning new things and is NOT afraid to get his hands dirty.

 

Prayer Requests:

• Pray that the house will be done within the next week. For patience as we continue to work on this.
• Continued prayer for leadership to fall into place over the home until David & Laurel get here full time.
• Continue to pray for me as I pray for mission involvement in the new year.

Family

Can I just be a little honest right now? I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I’m shocked at the things God keeps showing me. Let me back up a little. Most of you know my testimony, you know the baggage I come with in my life. I’ve been candid with how it has affected me alone, me in relationships, my view of men, etc.

But I desire to be married. Some days it is all I can think about. Literally, ask those who know me closely. Some months it does not even cross my mind. I’ve been thinking about it lately, and I want to be married. I want little ones to call my own. I want the challenge of adoption. I want that in my life. But obviously God has not given me that in my life. At least not at this season. At least not in the way I had always thought of.

But I do have a family. I have a church at home that loves me, covers me in prayer daily. Supports this dream that is my reality of living in Kenya and loving on other people in Christ. I have friends, old, young, new, reconnected that talk to me when I come on FB. That send me postcards in the mail. That love me. And I am so humbled that I see it so much more clearly since being here. I knew I had a family, I just didn’t realize how big it really was.

I have 17 children. Did I birth any of them? No, but does that really make them family? You could ask my mother who was adopted. Ruth and Jergan concieved her and gave birth to her, but they are not her family, not really. Her family is Fran and Troy Wideman, they loved her, gave her life really. That is family. These children are my family. They are my children in this season of life. It is not the same, I know that.

But it is precious how God gives you so many things in SO MANY different ways. I don’t have my own children, He gave me 17 who need love and Christ. I don’t have my mother here with me, He has given me the amazing Godly friendship of Jane. I miss home, but I have access to the internet and a postal system – that is a little slice of home on the hard days by far. I have the daily encouragement from Kellie and Michael, accountability, friendship and a similar desire with this mission.

It boggles my mind that I wake up in Kaptagat daily. That I breathe fresh air, that I have friends from other nations who worship the same Christ in different languages. It blows me away that after 4 years of praying, I am back on the soil that I so strongly fell in love with in college. Will I be here long? I don’t know. I would make it a lifelong commitment but God may have different plans for me. Will I ever get married? I hope so, but I don’t know. Or have children? Maybe, maybe not. Will I ever stop realizing how GREAT God is to me? I hope not. I pray He keeps showing me little things like this. He keep knocking me head around and saying, hey bella, watch this!

This week

This week was for sure a lot better than last week. I’m not ready to call myself friends with either of the girls just yet but it seems things are moving in the right direction. Nati and I made a connection – we are both from reformed churches so we have something in common. Danielle took some time to talk to me, ask about my testimony and just spend the morning with me yesterday. It was nice.

Kellie has started a bible study with us girls 2 nights a week. We start out of the book “A Woman after God’s own Heart” tonight. I’m excited. I need to grow with these women, in myself and in the scriptures. I think this is a perfect opportunity.

I’ve started spending at least 1 night a week at the kids home with them and I LOVE it. It is awesome to see who these children are when we are not really around. To see who they become when we go into the girls dorm and shut the door for the night. Eunice talks in her sleep – like whole conversations. Theresa has an active GI tract at night. 🙂 Christine snores like an old man. Brenda wakes up sometimes and the only way she gets herself back to sleep is to play with her baby doll that laughs – it is creepy like nothing else at 2am.

I started adding exercise back into my weekly routine this week. Jogging a couple days a week – man have I set myself back on that, as well as body weight routines. Added on top of walking to the home as many days a week as possible. It feels great being active again. Plus it is a nice amount of time to myself, to relax, to focus on me and my health. I have missed that.

I will be spending Saturday, Sunday and part of Monday living with my friend Jane in Flax. It is about 10 minutes away from the hotel but when the rains come in (which has been a good bit lately) you pretty much become isolated off from any place you cannot immediately walk. I am excited to say the least. We will be working in the garden, field, mudding her house, going to her church and who knows what else she has planned. It should be a sweet time of learning the culture and more about who Jane is in Christ. I cannot wait.

I was just informed that both Fred and Sarah are not believers. They were already working in the home before the Medlin’s got here so they did not have any say in them being there. Please pray that us girls especially will have opportunities to speak to them about Christ and that we will be faithful to talk to them. Also, pray that our life will continue to reflect God and being His new creation. They watch us and listen to us like a hawk.

I left home one month ago tomorrow. My has the time flown by already. It does not seem like I’ve been gone that long really. I think I’ve finally settled down and are making some roots. I’m here for the Medlin’s, to help them with their kids, with their work and make things easier for them. I’m also here for the kids home and to help out there – cooking, gardening, cleaning, helping the kids with homework and studying. I think that is my niche – being whatever I need to be in whatever situation comes up.

Prayer Requests:

• Continued prayer for the team coming in less than 2 weeks.
• For the salvation of Fred and Sarah.
• For my time with Jane – to be open to learning, and open to whatever the Holy Spirit may be leading in me in our time together.
• For health for the children, a cold seems to be snaking its way through them.
• For continued sponsors for the children who still do not have one.

I am a total basketcase

This week has been emotional. I’ve been all over the place and cried several nights, which is just not me. I’m thankful that Kellie listens and tells me how they were all like that the first few weeks. I think it is the fact that my mind knows I’m not going home in the next week. To be honest I’ve been throwing myself a bit of a pity party. My memory verse in my bible study has NOT been in the forefront of my mind unfortunately. I need to preach it to myself. “Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight O Lord, my strength and my redeemer.” Psalms 19:14

I wish the girls would accept me into their group. I miss the simplicity of my life at home. I miss Elynn and Grafton fiercly. I wish my body would not cramp horribly and be explosive every few days. But, it is like God to smack you in your face with 2 six year old girls to make you see the simple truth.

Friday I was walking to the kids home with Nicole and Danielle when they walked a good quarter of a mile ahead of me talking to each other and ignoring me. I was sulking, be mean in my mind honestly. I was saying I did not want to be their friends anyway, maybe they would trip … just being rude. While they walked past 2 girls I stopped to talk to them. I shook their hands. Talked to them in broken english. They asked about the headphones I was wearing so I took then off and held them to their ears so they could hear the music. The asked about the purell on my backpack so I showed them how it cleaned my hands. One of them pulled out my sunscreen so I put some on their hands and showed them to lather it on their face. They just smiled and giggled. And that was when it hit me. If the girls never accept me, if I have bathroom problems until I leave, if I realize a new challenge every week it DOES NOT MATTER. I am here for those 2 little girls. For the 17 children I love with all my being on a few acres of land in Kaptagat. I’m here for the unknown children I have not met yet. I am here to love them. To hug them. To tell them about Jesus. I am here because God called me to go, and when the days get hard and I pout, that should be my comfort and joy.

Now that He has reminded me I need to remember that truth and cling to Him in prayer over my troubles. Give Him thanksgiving for the opportunity I have, for the friends I’ve made here and the friends I have in America who are encouraging me. I need to read His word, learn it, meditate on it, preach it to others.

I’m not foolish enough to think this realization will solve all my problems. It should but in reality I’m stubborn, and prideful and a people pleaser. I’m a sinner and a big one at that. I’m going to have problems, be overly emotional and get upset about something stupid again. It could even happen tomorrow. I don’t want to be a holier than thou person, I just hope next time I start to feel sorry for myself of mad at someone for not including me that my first thought will be that I’m not here to be buddy buddy with everyone around me. My mission is a biblically commanded one and that should be my goal in what I do daily.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading at night to settle down. Fiction, short storiesm all kinds. I brought “The Missionary Call” by David Sills which has been great already. It has made me think about missions as long term, possibly lifelong, not just right now in my life. Either here or in the states, or somewhere else. I would like to quote a few things I read just today and it seemed so relevant and appropriate for the last few months.

“Seek to live the missionary call with all you are right where you are. Jim Elliot challenged people to live all out for God. He said wherever you are, be all there. Others have challenged similarly, it is nothing short of an insult to the administrative wisdom of the Holy Spirit to suggest that He is going to accomplish his program of world evangelism through labor of moonlighters. If world evangelism is to be completed (and it will), it must to a large extent be done through the lives of thousands of men and women who know they have been set aside by the Spirit of God for the specific purpose of proclaiming the Good News of God’s love for people. They must be men and women who are committed to nothing less than full-time service.This is the life we are to live while waiting, not the life we promise to live one day.”

This is so true to me, even now while I’m on the field so to speak. I’m still searching and trying to find out my future. Will I stay after December? After June? Will I move back home next year, or to another orphanage in Africa? I’m waiting but fulfilling my calling here while I pray and search for what God wants next for me.

“Charles Spurgeon said whatever call a man may pretend to have, if he has not been called to holiness, he certainly has not been called to the ministry.”

Wow, what a conviction. I truly realize my Christian walk is not where it should be and this helps to confirm how dangerous that is for me, for all. Especially those who are going across the world, or street, proclaiming Christ and the Gospel in His name.

“Finally, the missionary call is a lifelong love and burden that will find expression in many ways. Guidance is merely the way that God chooses to use you for His glory. Since God is sovereign, He chooses whom He will use, but He also chooses the when, where, and how. … As you think through your own life and look over your shoulder through missions and biblical history, be at peace when you remember His faithfulness to His promises.”

Prayer Requests:
That I will be content in my circumstances here, no matter what they end up being. For peace and the Lord’s truth to be first and true in my heart and mind.

From the Medlins:
Finances.
Sponsors for the children.
Preperation for the team coming in 2 weeks.

am I really here?

After 4 days of travel, 2 being stuck in Belgium, several running trips to the airplane bathroom for fear of throwing up EVERYTHING in my system, an overnight stay in Nairobi, a 6 hour drive from Nairobi to Eldoret with 11 people in a matatu, almost being run over by several matatus at the station, almost loosing a bag because it was being put on top of another matatu, and a 15 minute turned 45 minute 20 person shoved in to a 10 person van torrential rain leaking through the roof and windows of the matatu and finally being picked up and taken to the hotel, I’m finally in Kenya.

I wouldn’t say I’m settled because I don’t think that is going to kick in for a while honestly. I’m here, I’m in a room, I’m somewhat in a groove of things and I’m loving it. My body can’t decide if it wants to hold on to everything or violently expel it all at once. I can’t seem to get more than a couple hours of sleep, at least any that seem restful. I’M STARK RAVING RAVENOUS. I’m already sunburned, and had to do my buisness in the choo today or walk home shamefully disgusting. I was hoping to stave that off for a couple more days really.

Things are kind of crazy because we have a 12 person team here until next Tuesday so the schedule has been changed a bit. I think after next week I will really be able to see how things go, and really get to know Michael and Kelly, Dani and Nati.

Yesterday, today and tomorrow we are doing VBS at the school up the street from the kids home and door to door visits in the area, sharing the gospel, looking for confessions and praying with the people who live there. Saturday we spend the day at the albino home and Sunday we are going to Jubilee. I think there is more going on but I cannot remember to be honest.

Here are a few things I know for sure:

• It is freezing, literally in the 40s this week. Not how I imagined Kenya, or even experienced it before.
• We do not have hot water on a regular basis, and by that I mean really ever. I will not be showering but every 3 days or so. Think what you want. 40 degrees + complete cold = not shower time for B.
• I love the food here, and even though I’m walking a lot I may come back bigger than I left.
• The children are precious. I’m so thankful they are in my life already. And I know they are tired of me asking what their name is every time I see them but with 17 faces it may take a while to get them right.
• A donkey sounds like it is birthing Leviathan when it pees, and at 1,4 &5:30am in the morning it is enough to scare you awake and drive you to tears in your bed.
• I packed like a crazy bag lady moving across the world and already have sent a list of things to mom that I forgot and kind of need.

Here are a few things you can pray for:

• Continued construction on the house. Pray that running water and electricity can be added to the property soon.
• Pray for Mindy, Joy and Chantel, as well as the 12 person team next week as they leave Nairobi on Tuesday and head back home.
• Continue to pray for the Medlin’s as they minister to us, the children, the workers and the people living around the children’s home.
• Pray for everyone to have patience and flexibility as they are adapting to the new culture and the newness of everything going on.

 

prayer

Just had a quick chat with Michael and have some prayer requests for you:

• Please pray for Michael, Kellie and their children (Abigail, Jacob, Christina and Gabriel) –  The family has been sick for a week, diarrhea and throw up, some virus. They are on the mend but please pray for continued healing and health in general.
• Kellie and the children are having supper tonight with the children’s home. Pray for opportunities and a great time spiritually.
• Michael asks for prayer for all for strength and the energy to manage everything. This construction keeps him tied up so much. (Roof is going up this week and next.)
• Pray for all the people who will start going to Kenya to help in May (2 girls who will be there until October, and then the others will be all different lengths.)
• There is no electricity at the children’s home yet and Michael is unsure of when it will get there. Please pray for that to happen and soon.

When I asked for specific prayer requests this is what he said: That we would be able to effectively share Christ with these kids.  Also that we would keep our hearts open to seeing everyone around us as an opportunity to share Christ.

Children

 I just saw this on Michael’s facebook page this morning. Please read over it:

Our primary mission here in Kenya is to provide and care for the orphaned and needy children. We want to enable as many children as possible to strive for and achieve a successful future as an individual. Don’t we all deserve that right?

A component of how we hope to make this happen is by matching up financial sponsors with the individual children. These children have no possibility of funding… from anyone within Kenya and will not be able to continue through primary and secondary school without outside assistance.

Who could turn away a child such as six year old Gideon seen here below. (Sorry, could not get his picture to load) Gideon has been tops in his kindergarten class and this year has been skipped ahead a whole year because he is so bright. And because of his ever present smile is always easy to spot within his class of over 100 students. Would you be willing to sponsor Gideon and ensure that he’ll have every opportunity to continue in his studies and one day become a shining example of what the love of Christ can do for the disregarded children of the world? Contact us today via email or read further at www.graceofgodchildren.org

 

I know I am blessed to be part of a church where Widows and Orphans are put so heavily on our heart. And not just in our church, but in our life as Christians we are called to take care of Orphans. I ask that you would pray for Gideon and the other children. Pray for God to open doors for you to either sponsor him or someone else, or that God will prick the heart of someone to latch on to that specific child and be their caregiver both financially and spiritually. Please pray that these children will be matched up so quickly that the orphanage doesn’t know what hit them. Pray that God will do a mighty work in the life of this mission and these children specifically, as well as the many others who need care like this around the world.